Is this getting to be easily said than done!
Certainly so,for this Gen X. So they seem to take the easier route: to part!
Today’s newspaper has the Bombay High Court ruling “instant divorce not possible” This was in response to a petition by a couple who challenged the constitutional validity of the Hindu Marriage Act, pleading for legal separation within six months of their marriage.
“In the age of IT, tendency to take impulsive decisions are on the rise ….but the ability to act faster in a modernized age must not result in instant decisions relating to delicate human relationships” was the judgment.” Further the court observed “ the period of one year is sin qua non ….it is meant to be a healing time to ponder over mutual differences” The Court also feared that if this kind of an application is accepted , then petitions for divorce may pour in from a few days of marriage! “There would be no attempt to even fairly resolve minor differences which may appear as teething problems of married life.”
Very knowledgeable, perceptive and grounded personalities, there comprise the Division Bench, Chief Justice Swatanter Kumar and Justice J P Deodhar.
Apart from the Law degrees,I guess, they must have more than a few wedding anniversaries to their credits, respectively. Then again like someone said, there’s no need for a degree in Human Psychology when you’ve a lot of common sense.
The judgment set me thinking because I am still reeling under the unpleasant news of a few divorces, within successive time spans.
Two cases happen to be youngsters where my empathies are with the parents, The girl, in her late twenties, told her mother that she knew it wasn’t going to work for them the day she realized that her husband had checked all the Contacts on her mobile without her permission!
There was no use telling her that even a suspicion that he had a plot to kill her could be brought in the open and “discussed”. She said that she hated this word and may even be “discussing” all her life, if she heeded to such advice.
In the other case, of a love marriage, the boy, 30, says, “both of us realized that our feelings for each other just declined with the passage of time and we seem to be more passionate about a whole lot of other things .The marriage was quite a hindrance and we mutually agreed to part ways.”
I feel sad at the collapsing of this meaningful institution but having said that, these were not really reasons and situations that I could relate to. Also the victims seem to be happy, so why the bad feeling.
That wasn’t the case when a close friend replied to my letter. After 25 years, he and wife had decided “to move on”! Their two teenaged children are studying in college.
Someone else, whom I idolized (well, I still do) for his academic brilliance and other such achievements has also ended his almost 25 years of marriage. He also has two boys.
What was interesting in the latter two cases that all the four adults involved confessed to me that it was “very painful”. I don’t know the children’s version.
I recently saw an American TV show on the Presidential Elections. In between the discussion the anchor showed the picture of Prince Harry in the news for visiting Afghanistan. .He then showed another picture and asked the audience to see the stark ling resemblance that the Prince had to him rather than to Prince Charles, whose photograph was put up next. Just as I decided I had enough of that, the Indian former diplomat in the panel interrupted.. He said, the Prince looks more like his mother. “Give him a break” and he went on to add that he needed to be commended for whatever he was doing now. The anchor readily accepted the suggestion amidst applause.
This is what can happen to the children of the estranged parents. They are the worst sufferers. Time may erase all the “pain” for the adults as they move on, to new found places and people. But the reality for children remains eternally unaltered. A situation which does have its own consequences in their lives.
Where do we find perfection, in any case, in so many areas in our lives? And yet, we manage.
Why does that bit of acceptance, adjustment or yielding become impossible in this relationship?
It should not, at least not when you understand that children are happier when they inherit their family or their home than anything else!
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Sooni,
So true, many thanks for your comments here.
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Uma,
Thanks for writing in.
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Marraiges are collapsing basically because neither of the parties involved is ready to compromise. Their egos stand in the way of simple compromises that can often save the marriage and a lot of heartbreak for the families involved. Children are the innocent victims.
Sooni
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A timely post, Sunanda. Divorces are becoming rampant these days even in the so called traditional family. A little of give and take is required from both ends if marriage has to work. And children, as you said, need to feel a sense of belonging - andthat can be only if they have a stable home....Uma
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